looking back
I thought
I saw myself
just a young man
selfish thinking
life in a cloud
still standing still
outside a golden temple
just a plume of smoke
atop that sacred
rocky slope
some heady time
slick granite
way back
then readily
I dared
to even do
so wisdom
even can
retrieve those
leavened
uneven months
oddly in and out
of reverential years
sometimes talking backwards
even when I walked
trekking backwoods
yet somehow
forward
up steep
rugged hills
one single man
mushing
leaving dog tracks
exploring reckless
rapids through canyons
I was
water
I am
truly rushing
ascending ethereal
mountains
drinking
cosmic purity
let's say
salvation
from deep
cold wells
way back
when
merely that certain
religious spark
some vibrant source
but now then
of course endings
stricken by should
those should haves
life and things
seldom clear
those mystic dreams
some faith
rendering
feeling
like unknowable
I could be
being someone
existence sometimes
seems veiled
what age brings
ear ringing
reflection and echoes
towering resistance
insistence coming
wisely ever
forever nearer
grieving sometimes
even invective ends
looking back
recalling special
background songs
all those other
blessed things
even gleaming
diamonds and emeralds
shining wild rivers
shimmering idyllic streams
reveling and shivering
quickened by those
slick quick dreams
picking perfect
stones and rocks
respected geometric
ideologic crests
intermittently
treasured elements
sometimes clustered
fortunes of ruby rings
check out fortunate
those masters of wealth
if each watery end
each forged incarnation
were a healthy thing
would storied lies
could beastly stealth
ever be trusted
what about love
devotion's special songs
emotional prayers
desperation into poems
intimate mathematics
ultimately light years
of measured memories
what if we discover
there is no pleasure
contented life
in righteous cemeteries
only pious bones
under ancient stone
mostly cold
often forgotten
why should life
drone on and on
carry on
maybe
as eternal thought
notwithstanding
so misbegotten
infernal living
existential
crazy time
lazily balancing
on life
a razor edge
so don't
any time
remind me
my reformed mind
part time
informally at least
I'm still
what I see
peaceful wandering
pondering beginning
some treatise path
wandering warily
east
to somewhere
recovered from afar
beyond far
but verily
behind me
I'm rediscovering
seasonal endings
autumn calling
winter beckoning
reasonably reckoning
I might
in some way
rightly see
infinite beginnings
beyond finishing
cosmic endings
practice tantric
like a coiled snake
all those electric
new eclectic days
I'll reverently take
every blue moon
reach out
to each starry sky
greetings from Milarepa
reaching hope
meeting sunny rays
resolving night
involving time
lightning in between
sunrise after sunset
those revolving
insolvent dreams
even whipped cream
forever wild honey
always truthful lust
hopeful that  
every just journey
each sweet space
even partially recovered
reflecting that other
artful time
well spent
when measured
should be's
energy that is
always treasured
maybe even
love showed up
molding azure hearts
held by anxious
curious hands
maybe even
explicit parts
bold dreams
so ethereal
comes true
wouldn't life then
be divine
ultimately grand
all those
majestic beginnings
if those
pathetic endings
would be glorious
respecting us
everything and all
universal love
conversely reconnecting
verse and composition
delivered by one voice
with all life's mystery
free choice
never regretting
begetting eternal love
that universal goal
spiritually feeding
neverending
navigation
captivating
spirit need and spiritual deed
our wand'ring souls
I can't help
looking back
but see
enraptured you
and drowning me

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