I'm searching
for words
numbers
letters
some alphabet
something numeric
that would
be more
precise
that could
better describe
how I feel
more over
how I am
it seems
I'm reeling
being something
other than
normal
just perhaps
more formally
painting pictures
pencil drawings
even charcoal
sketches
might mean
more
than words
or numbers
there is
a mighty sword
cutting out
my heart
slicing me
to my bones
I simply feel
modern life
has torn me
completely apart
rendered me
with its razor knife
to little bits
down to nothing
to tiny pieces
to that particular
broken place
where all
my particles
can never
truly atone
or truly
find
some genuine kind
of stardust
shaft of light
bringing me
fully back
to that
divine place
where my
wandering
searching
soul
will
find itself
in my
true home
so in my
confusion
yet beyond
muddy delusion
I feel
ready
to favour birds
chirping insects
telling me
their sacred stories
freely sharing
their sacred sounds
such holy words
all their rhythm
all their numbers
abounding 
with natural
divine glory
revealing
to me and you
God's precious
consistent glory
dressing existence
with divinity
that holy crown
so we might see
from our earthly view
Creation's cherished
priceless story
more than
words and numbers
could ever do

         * * * 

 

I'm trying
to hear
all those things
you say
forgive me
but you're 
so far away
forgive me
if I don't hear
those important words
but I'm deaf
so your precious words
are still unclear
I'm trying
to truly see
but I am 
truly blind
maybe someday
when we wake
we'll hear each other
we'll see all
our troubling mistakes
maybe this universe
has other things
revelation in mind
maybe our deaf ears
and our blind eyes
will never find
true love
has somehow
touched us
though we are
so far apart
maybe one day
we'll see truth
finally truly hear
each other's words
find in our dreams
that precious part
priceless love is still
deep within
our broken hearts

           * * * 

 

when I die
toss dead flowers
blissful laughter
across my grave
plant hard nuts
leaven encircling
my hard head
plant heavenly summer
fruit trees
add relevant winter
a pear tree
one sacred splinter
near my
resolute feet
that way
no matter
how I lie
debating whether
I be two
or six feet under
no matter
how haunted
my grave is
I'll be solitary
undaunting
creative thunder
voluntarily cumulative
absolved by cool
penultimate earth
imagine lush
resolve summer
into brilliant fall
somewhere beneath
falling stars
adoring grace
resolutely envision
dark winter
into enlightened
furious spring
along with everything
that dark night
both you and me
our very souls
growing light
know one thing
what cosmic truth
emergent universe
is truly worth
duly behold
unfolding death
resolving absolution
into birth
curious revolving
every neon soul
now I am
relevantly moored
finally resting
in this comforting
relegated cave
all on my own
here I meditate
relate to dying
existence elevated
be more inclined
in this receptive stage
to exceptional trying
conceptive compliance
silently echoing
supreme belief
as newly inceptive
uncaged spirit soars
scattering light
above me
visualize relief
below me
my collective grave
where new born
generates into
something more
energized creation
one day sighing
truly reborn
undying elation
joyfully crying
finding filaments
of divine visibility
crossing cosmic
righteous space
revealing light
where creative
proves insightful
forever delightful
where gravity
cleverly converges
left and right
maternally guided
meeting truthfully
eternally emergent
beyond all this living
through all this dying
my eyes are burning
my soul is quivering
what divinity saved
picking up dead flowers
embracing reliant prayers
scattered gracefully
across my raging
silent grave

         * * * 

I heard your songs
once again today
those sad endings
those edgy elements
of hopeful beginnings
Leonard Cohen
when you died
I think this
mountainous world
shifted somehow
from bleeding bliss
to something more
sisters of mercy
more sloppy mess
a poetic avalanche
of daring scoff
full of burning desire
inspired love songs
your poetic words
painting love pictures
all that torrid love
scratching at horrid war 
even stirring this
swirling cesspool
so scurrilous
that morbid hate
so we are
emotionally bloodied
thus we are
mentally furious
what if secret love
refused to touch
our bleeding hearts
what if all
our loving kisses
turned to scarring jeers
always rolling over
to war and strife
all your Hallelujah songs
your rhymes of love
all your crying poems
your thoughts on hate
leaving curious imprints
something even
black and white
those coloured pieces
seriously tattooed
upon our broken lives
your hopeful music
your token muse
like all you were
all that you are
you sang about angels
you wrote about G-d
so faithful Leonard
everybody knows
steam and dreaming
this human cauldron
still some cream
but roiling
forever boiling
demanding more
G-d all your children
are constantly raging
what if Suzanne
brought us more
refreshing tea from China
sweet juicy Greek oranges
filling our baskets
such perfect love
help us see
even help us find
that one
true meaning
of sweet life
though we are frail
we still must be strong
our ships at sea
in full cosmic sail
sailing G-d's ocean
proving true love
surely won't fail
this love journey
one we yearn to keep
Leonard to Marianne
a thousand kisses deep

             * * * 

 

Judas dropped by
once again
lopsided today
margins of that
shattered rock
still knocking
on my cryptic door
just stopped by
to openly say
first hi and hey
then something
cosmically elliptic
Judas said
digesting tryptically
hello again
just like he did
those other days
seriously though
Judas arrived
again together
one last supper
righteously on time
inviting acknowledgement
spirituality bro
deciphering
this living
contrived rhyme
Judas knelt down
needing sacred time
to simply view
raw mother earth
I knelt down too
acknowledging
my raw nakedness
our vital birth
leavening and breathing
grateful for heartbeat too
Judas lay down
heartbroken
on solid ground
wanting to feel
profound quality
manna for meat
sacred vibration
purity through maturity
speaking holy
blood into wine
those heathen prayers
splayed openly
displayed upon this
sacred ground
oh frayed Judas 
profound brother
what destiny wrought
Judas fucking Iscariot
a resonant state
what prophecy brought
enticing meditation
up on my concise
pondering porch
chants and prayers
wandering
that first hard knock
which I heard
wondering
debating time
second helpings
of this and that
chewing up signs
digesting divine
tic toc tic toc
ingesting revelation
ignite that holy torch
oddly even
ad hoc
proud prophecy
scorched and burned
aristocracy mate
that golden bull
that christmas cake
that fatted calf
each bold lurch
behold wealth's church
place one side up
every turn taken
put one side down
that fateful curve
destiny's illumination
what Judas spake
final destination
buying all that
lasting pain
power and silver
all that wealth and glitter
as we bleed and hang

             * * * 

 

strange
do you
see me
while I still
see you
if you
breathe me
know this
I still breathe
all of you
driving me wild
like you
used to do
if you
hang on tight
I'll drive you wild too
let me be now
yet somehow
still I love you
lost in love
that brilliant vision
I sense lost love 
obstinate derision
ultimately now
in my own
defense
I somehow
sense 
love's fate
your being
in recompense
I've gone
completely blind
so I'm not
seeing
anything really
but distance
through that darkness
feeling memories
instantly
lost love
still insistently
from somewhere 
tucked deep inside
my clouded mind
still emerges
when I think of you
resurfaced
remove love's shroud
I think destiny
has driven us
more over
sweet love
shoved us
still unmarried
relatively marred
all that
harried way
whence we
defensively
called home
entranced
standing there
outside love's receptive door
thus in my deceptive fantasy
love's epic dance
I dream romance
pensively still
we dream alone
somehow
I'm still lost
imprisoned
by costly love
chapter after chapter
within this epic tome
true love found
while I hear you
addressing love
confessing memory
so well adorned
by sacred
blistered love
comforted 
by unforgotten kisses
witnesses
to that
holy shroud
so still
I see you
caressed by love
I'm arrested
ulterior dismissiveness
yet I still
need love
seek remissiveness
I'm lost and found
comforted
somewhat less
by fate's decision
remorseful destiny
lately lost love
those yearning memories
piled high
scorched and burning
yet of course
days and nights
so well filled
blessed by love
distilled by trust
enriching vision
true love envisioning
kisses eternal
blissful vibration too
trying to understand
something
that still
sees me
as I
in my dreams
still see you
rearranged
dear love
really so very
terribly strange
something magic
a storybook view
still something
dark and tragic
about me and you

          * * * 

 

Post 1001.

I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
then I died
I was born
now I am
waiting to die

     * * *