April Musings

April 3, 2018

I can't read those moments of silence very well.
Is it a smile? or a frown?


April 10th, 2018

My 64th birthday.
She doesn't love me,
I feel that now,
She doesn't want me,
I know that now,
She doesn't need me,
I see that now.


April 19, 2018

It turns out my mistress is the desert wind,
Hot and dry,
Mummifying hopeless love,
Burying lost dreams and cities,
A place where thirst is never quenched.


April 20, 2018

Eventually,
You are so far away,
It is hard to remember you.


April 22, 2018

If somebody doesn't want you,
You can't make them want you,
You can digest those poems I recited for you,
You can decide whether you want to ever see or speak with me again,
But there is no sugar in this recipe,
Besides it comes mixed with undying love,
I hope you think of me someday,
I know I'll think of you,
Perhaps you'll dream of me,
I know I'll dream of you,
Love,
I wish you could,
Fall in love with me,
I wish you would,
Give my selfish love a chance,
I'm just too far out of reach,
Maybe you just don't love me anymore,
There are no second chances,
When this moment is over,
Time is gone forever,
We'll never get this chance again,
Part of me says you want me,
Part of me says I'm crazy,
Part of me thinks you love me,
Part of me thinks you don't give a damn,
My heart tells me love avoids me,
My heart tells me I'm not worthy,
Logic tells me love will never come true,
Logically you never really found me,
Law of attraction and you,
I've got to stop caring,
This distraction I'm mired in,
Fuck,
This funk that is failing,
Did you ever wonder,
About my love,
Such a pitiful yarn,
I failed love and love failed me,
Such a pitiful joke,
Choking on chewed hunks of love,
Hope drowns in that sea of chunky gravy,
You can't love me,
Love can't save me,
Still,
Love,
That commonly hurtful story,
All pity and no glory,
i don't know how to get you out of my system,
I don't know how to stop loving you,
I don't know how to stop wanting you,
Why can't I imagine a happy God,
Am I that much of a sinner.