if I pull
that forceful trigger
I wonder if
I'll regret it
if I remorsefully
hang myself
will I find myself
coarsely dangling
in some concise
forbidden street
if I tersely
drown myself
would anyone
ever miss me
what good advice
if I light myself
on resentful fire
could there be
an absolute end
absolving spent life
of our obvious
tenuous mistakes
could we
ever bend
resolve this
endless trying
what if God
takes me
right here
right now
would I
sense regret
or would I
feel somehow
respectfully proud
of those
respected things
in my life 
that I once had
that I have left
so far behind
what if all
our brilliant music
forever stopped
what if
it never
rained again
would we
find resilience
ever wish
we had
somehow changed
to save ourselves
to save our souls
what would we do
just carry on
drowning forever
in this
mixed up
bloody flood
of depressed blue
what if love
completely disappeared
what if joy
never could appear
would we live
until another day
or would we
decide to choose
to simply
melt away
shoot and hang
our bitter selves
out in some
littered street
drown ourselves
drink up
all life's poison
in some
faceless ocean
hoping to leave
no lasting trace
of this mindless
bloody disgrace
we call
normal life
or is it always
just suicide
for this
strangely deranged
human race

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