Heyoka

I have set myself on fire,
I am Heyoka,
A whirlwind is breathing,
Seething life into smoldering embers,
My moccasins are smoking,
My red-yellow feet are scorching,
My hair has all burned off,
Self-immolation is vying,
Trying to heal me,
Holy Spirit is trying to cure me,
I have been peeled,
Cooking myself,
Boiling my flesh and bones,
Churning in this crass stew,
My dissolute foolish soul,
Conceding my black tongue,
Allowing my blistering feet,
Tolerating my blazing hands,
Permitting my bubbling eyes,
Pressure cooking all my bones and meat,
Disjointed filaments falling into pieces,
My violated extra-terrestrial self,
Thundering beneath my soluble red-yellow feet.

Why am I such a deplorable fool?
My mind is turning to pumice,
My heart is recycling to caustic ash,
God is laughing at me again,
Demons are pointing crooked bony fingers,
Cackling and taunting me again,
Love has abandoned me again,
Sanity has flown the coop,
Staring down at my incinerated self,
Where my red-yellow feet should be,
My recluse spirit is only seeing remnants,
Cloven hooves,
Leaving elk tracks around the fire.

I am Heyoka,
Vomiting smoking words and burning phrases,
Spewing torrid power onto sacred ground,
Torching myself again,
Roasted in a pillar of salty truth,
All my foolish gibbous ways,
Falling down the rabbit hole again,
Plummeting over the precipice,
Knowing not even a Thunderbird can rescue me,
Knowing I have vanished into a reckless void,
Knowing that feckless love will surrender,
Magic will never catch me as I fall,
Knowing that I've tragically gone blind,
Knowing that lamentably once and for all,
I've truly lost my grievous mind.