I'll qualify the following poem by saying I wrote it several years ago, when the world was a different place.

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poetry you recite to me
leaves me bleeding
all those piercing words
you threw at me
leave me gutted
lost in another dream today
you left me bleeding
something died
inside today
treading deep water
you let me drown
dreading what lies
beneath the deep cold sea
love is flooding
the tidal me again
though your heart
was never mine
you speak
of your love
words don't really
mean a thing
how you pine
for other younger men
but then you
are gone
I feel so alone
alone feels so wrong
I just can't imagine
clearly anymore
I'm witnessing
everything monotone
I'm hovering here
above your barren floor
watching the daring world
reduce to ash

open yet another door
I want you
see me like I am home
I wish you
could give me
your heart
when I hear
your voice
I know
how deep I am
in this
you never cease
surprise me
yet I
question everything
I don't know
if you love me
I don't know
anything
anymore
then I hear
your velvet voice
you say some
velvet things
suddenly I feel
I am important
to  that silky you
I talk with you
intimate satin hours
everyday
but then
you
you're not really here
strange dreams
secret fears
half of me drowning
part of me
wearing a crown
half of dope me flying
such is me trying
part of me
wearing a rope
reckless with a noose tie

when I'm drowning
I see you
you're feeling something
all my reeling tears
streaming rivers
torrents washing
my grieving face
cold streams
filling bitter rivers
icy slivers swept
luring a hypothermic me
hyperbole into an anxious
glacial melt sea

I wish my arms
could reach you
but my words
don't ever touch you
I know you have taken
that flirting train
to somewhere
or nowhere
but not with me
I know that now
you're actually
not that interesting
you're rather
boring in reality
I certainly
can't love you
so don't think
you are anything
to me
I just like
to speak and talk
with friendly people
so friends like you
are nothing
more than some
distant voice
words meaning nothing
all your nothing poems
all your nothing kisses
you can't love me
I know that now
worthy comes to mind
I'm not that
realizing bitter me
your whole life
is a mistake
taken a wrong turn
from the beginning
now it's just
a long and winding road
free wheeling
around tight treacherous curves
and those mismanaged words
telling us
love is far behind us
and we'll never meet up
that is the force of nature
the nature of forceful love
abhorrent floods
landslides are yet to come
drowning will still become us
we can't overcome
or talk again

speaking to the phone
you seem so close
I can hear you breathe
I love you more
than anything
you've wounded me
deeply
your shallow words
I'm bleeding
as we speak
but you can't see
these fatal wounds
often I'm so lost
in this jungle between us
how can good
God punish us
with so much love
oh how I wish
you would love me
the way I love you
I feel all twisted up inside
wondering how you feel
I wonder if you think of me
you're on my mind
like the turning of the tide
why does love
hurt so much
why are we
such tempestuous fools
distrust and dishonesty
brave and courageous
what once was trust and honesty

trust and honesty
longing for you
day after day
knowing you
have another lover
so I quietly bleed
in this emptiness I feel
maybe I've misread
misheard everything
perhaps
I don't know anything
about anything
anymore
I wait in silence
wond'ring
if you've been swallowed
by some great blue whale
no song or echo
breaks the din
I wonder
what mind set
you're in
I wonder
why love
is so seldom kind
I feel you
growing more distant
I sense you
putting me out
of your vagrant mind

            * * *

Haiku Tuesday

 

everybody

big brother has you in sight

Sam has your number

 

             8 8 8 

 

can glory live on

if war would end tomorrow

what prayer found peace

 

            8 8 8  

 

disintegration

empires around the world

fires are burning

 

            8 8 8  

maybe the bear hug

is the only hug they know

suffocating love

            8 8 8 

 

pen in hand my friend

time to rewrite your story

history begins

 

           * * * 

 

push and pull
push and pull
push and pull
light
push and pull
push and pull
push and pull
air
push and pull
push and pull
push and pull
water
push and pull
push and pull
push and pull
blink
action and non-action
action and non-action
action and non-action
breathe
choose and decide
choose and decide
choose and decide
cogitate
back and forth
back and forth
back and forth
mind
side to side
side to side
side to side
liberate
one plus one
one plus one
one plus one
begin
light and dark
light and dark
light and dark
birth
liquid into solid
liquid into solid
liquid into solid
be
wake and sleep
wake and sleep
wake and sleep
now
you and me
you and me
you and me
flow
shallow and deep
shallow and deep
shallow and deep
dream
in the beginning
in the beginning
in the beginning
ascension
spark of life
spark of life
spark of life
God spoke

       * * *

 

we turn on the tap
but there is no water
we open the door
but there is no way out
we put one foot in front of the other
but we can't move
we reach out for one another
but we never touch
we open our eyes
but there is no light
we look up to the sky
but there is no sun
we turn around
but we find ourselves upside down
we are troubled by life
but there is no creation
we think we are dreaming
but there are only illusions
we search for spirit
but there is no fire
we seek wisdom
but there are no answers
we pray to god
but there is no heaven

              * * * 

 

I stood silent
clinging to supple branches
chewing on green leaves
high in a fruit tree
below me a deer watched
as I grew rough bark
sensing the teasing wind
blow through my twigs of hair
my deer friend approached
ever closer with her nose in the air
I spoke to her
like the wind speaks
to all earth's creatures
curious she watched
as I swayed in the warm evening breeze
that pretty whitetail doe
gentle and serene as you please
from my high perch
I kept my eyes on the deer
she knew me
knew I was there
unafraid she searched for apples
that had fallen to the ground
I continued to roost there
not making any alarming sound
I watched as she foraged
nibbling succulent blades of grass and green clover
she stood there below me
watching me like a pandowdy lover
such a dear face
those large dewy deer eyes
my joy I could never disguise
no lies between us
her little deer body
relaxed with her gentle pace
as she silently grazed
my eyes surely glazed
September's sky was singing
as I marveled at her deer art
still sweet summer filled with treasures
I thought I might grow wings
fledge kestrel flight feathers
with all that euphoria filling my heart
watching her step carefully into tall grass
I felt as if I might lift off and fly

                   * * *

 

marriage
can be a prison
of sorts
jealousy
can take us
places
we thought
we'd never go
that ring
around
your finger
lays down
certain protocol
if we try
to bend
those rules
even if
we think
our actions
are innocent
marriage still
binds us
to a strict
and definite law
if we break
those rules
it makes us
guilty
even if
we don't
take responsibility
sometimes
there are boundaries
we never realized
or clearly saw
but binding
marriage
is serialized
and even innocent actions
can't be disguised
even though
in marriage
sometimes
we are
victimized
there are things
we just
can't do
because marriage
with its strict law
won't allow us
to be guilt free
won't see us
through
to naivety
or innocence
no matter
what we think
no matter
our own perspective
or our imagined view
of things
so once we take
those marriage vows
there are places
and things
we just can't do
there are specific things
we just can't
innocently do
if broken hearts
were free
to choose
then guilty marriage
wouldn't have
imprisoned you
if all marriage
were guiltless
it wouldn't take
judges
and a court
of law
to break
those marriage
chains
to release you
from that binding
diamond ring
to grant you
freedom
once again

        * * *

 

at the starry gate
what other entry way
should I choose
the east side
or the far right
standing at the gate
it seemed the sun
was blinding
after traveling through the night
I'd found my way
far to the left
this side of the west
when the wind spoke about the day
I heard a whisper
of something sacred
then the mountain roared
I'd come full circle
suddenly that gate was blocked
that domineering mountain
had closed rapture's door
I was searching for a miracle
from there I chose the river
flowing to the north
beyond rugged canyons
through raging rapids
over those precipitous falls
from that chasm's ridge
a voice came to me
asking what I was worth
crawling out of that deep fearful pool
I navigated slippery rocks along that virile trail
my tear filled eyes were shielded
by another blinding veil
perhaps my cautious soul
was yielding
perhaps
I'd lost my needful way
when the stars came out
I thought I heard
the forest cry
finally I imagined
I heard the skillful willows shout
turning me into a lone wolf
making me howl then moan
when the northern lights came out
I felt like I'd been clipped then shorn
freezing in the ice and snow
my intrepid spirit urged me on
as the frigid wind tore at my freezing skin
I kept my wolf head low
as my yellow eyes were freezing shut
just beyond that northern wood
I came upon an abandoned hut
inside I lit a fire
a cold cast iron stove
outside forty below
critical freezing as you know
my wolf claws had turned to fingers
gathered tinder and dry twigs
fuel crackling in welcome flames
still that freezing cold lingered
but my hungry wolf heart rejoiced
just the same
inside that small subarctic cabin
I realized I just might survive
outside the furious winter howled
a tempest with terrible cold
snickering now
knowing I was still alive
I found a scrap of dried meat
hanging from a smoke stained rafter
chewing on some sustenance
swallowing that nourishing morsel
I relaxed and fell into an arctic dream
as a remarkable fire crackled
glowing in that radiant woodstove
finally a last smoking ember died
again I was shackled with numbing cold
I woke with a fumbling start
it was dark and freezing again
I heard a scratching at the cabin door
I laid there still and quiet
upon that dirty cabin floor
once again I heard it
still a dark and frigid night
something ratcheting at the gate
I lay there wondering
if there was another door
some other hidden escape
I wondered if I was dreaming
should I choose
the east side
or stay nestled
I didn't know which was right
then I pictured a hue of gentle blue light
coming through the open cabin door
it seemed a black wolf stood there
outside reflecting winter's dazzling white
inside it was completely dark
so I determined it was night
I knew if the north wind came
if the stark wind would call my name
my intuition told me
that dark lone wolf
would surely lead me
to some faraway garden gate
back to the sacred light
far to the divine south
Uluru suddenly beckoned to me
beyond the dividing equator
south of the tropic of Capricorn
further south than those calm horse latitudes
adding yet another sacred attitude
down to somewhere
perhaps another psalm or balm
that brilliant Southern Cross
hanging in the southern sky
marked sacred song lines
remarking about those ancient knowledge vines
far to the familiar north
Orion with his faithful dogs kept hunting
still I wondered as I journeyed south
what in Heaven's name
ramblings swirled out of my salty mouth
could something on an odyssey
so blessedly far
from its northern berth
some haunted lone wolf like me
what ever could something
like me be worth

                * * *