I feel like I'm failing
wondering where I begin
just where I end
perhaps I'm living life
where too much is forbidden
this foreboding I sense
leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
so many songs I listen to
lyrical love deafening me
every moving poem I read
blinds me more and more
inside my head I feel crazy
I'm wondering who shuts all the doors
questioning who turned out the lights at night
I'd like to get on a horse and ride like the wind
try to leave myself behind
I'd like to jump off a cliff to see if I could fly
perhaps one day I'll wake
find that I've grown flight feathers
only to realize I'm losing my fucking mind
what if I set myself on fire
would anyone ever care or wonder
never climb out of this deep pit
what if I can never get any higher
exit this darkness I find myself in
I've taken too many hits
I realize nobody really gives a shit
but I'm just an insect
waiting to metamorphosize
push myself out of this chrysalis I've created
force myself to grow wings
fly head first into the free wild wind
I know the sun doesn't rise for me
I know God isn't crying over me
I understand that the moon isn't my friend
if I were a Martian
perhaps I'd go to war
if I'd been born on Venus
maybe I'd see there was more
more goodness and less heinous
more up-lifting life and less gravity
more love and less depravity
more joy and less desperation
less loneliness with this self imposed incarceration
only the selfless earth feels me
only the careless wind touches me
only God is my witness and knows that I exist
if I were caught up in a raging tornado
I don't think I would even think to resist
it's been suggested that I drown myself
remove this crown of thorns I'm bearing
strip off this false armour that I'm wearing
go blind and lose myself far out at sea
I have thoughts of burying myself
just because I am not
what I once thought was me

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